Dear Abby: My father was a collector, now my husband has started his own collection

Dear ABBY: My sister and I grew up with our father after our parents divorced. He was a hoarder. Years later, when he finally had to leave, it took three moving trucks to empty the two-bedroom house. You can imagine what it was like. I’m very driven by clutter. I appreciate an organized home with room to breathe.

My husband of 10 years understands this in theory. For a long time, he was on board with a tougher structure. But recently we have become more comfortable financially and he has started collecting things. First, there were comic books; then a stack of vinyl records appeared. Lately, a bunch of art supplies always seem to spill over the counters and tables. He says his purchases are within what is normal.

I know my background makes me super sensitive about cleaning, but it’s really hard and I’m stressed every time I come home to piles of random objects and have to move his stuff before I do dinner. We don’t have room for a “man cave”. I’m in counseling, which helps, but not enough. How can we reach a reasonable compromise when I know I may not be reasonable? – CAUSED IN ARKANSAS

DEAR COURT: An alternative to ridding your marriage of clutter might be to consider hiring a professional organizer to help your husband organize his comic books, vinyl record collection, and art supplies so that they be less disruptive. Other couples have done this successfully when bringing two families together, and this may be the answer for you.

Dear ABBY: I am the grandmother of three wonderful children. I am very involved in all their activities and present at all important events. I have been since day 1. My grandchildren’s other grandparents are mostly absent, partly due to distance and also for personal reasons.

When these other grandparents show up at events or offer gifts or support of any kind, it seems like a big deal, while my presence is taken for granted. I’ve never been thanked for driving the kids to and from school and sports, for day trips, or being there for just about anything. My kids fall for absent grandparents whenever they decide to show up for anything.

Am I being overly sensitive? Will the children one day appreciate my presence, even though it doesn’t seem special now? — READY TO DELIVER

Dear GATI: I understand your feelings. However, while I am not sure about your children, I am sure that your grandchildren will remember all the efforts you have made and will continue to make on their behalf. This includes the countless events you have shared with them. No matter how compelling gifts from other grandparents may be, they cannot compare to the close bond your grandchildren have with you.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.