‘Love bombing’, the relationship manipulation tactic, is gaining steam

Reality TV relationships often involve fairytale dates, quick declarations of love, and fantasy futures designed for viewers and social media followers to squirm and obsess over almost endlessly.

To that point, recently on Love Island’s USA Reunion, Kaylor Martin called out Aaron Evans for “love bombing” her and complained that she wasted her entire summer on their relationship.

Although most viewers expect reality show relationships to be fleeting, there are revealing lessons in these rush-for-love relationships that may involve unhealthy behaviors.

Love bombing consists of manipulative tactics often seen early in a relationship, a relationship expert said.

“Manipulators use tactics by oversharing their desire to be with you, showering you with affection and prioritizing you — all before they really get to know you,” said Leanna Stockard, a licensed marriage therapist and family with LifeStance Health in Boston.

Such actions are used to create a facade of love and affection for a new partner, which in turn causes the new partner to drop their guard and begin to trust the manipulator – all to take him down later on relationship, Stockard said.

“The love bombing tactic makes the person being manipulated believe they have done something wrong for that love and affection to be taken away and feel they have to do anything to get it back,” she also said.

Here are five key insights to know.

1. What are some red flags of ‘love bombing’?

Endless compliments, love tones, and wanting to be together morning, noon, and night very early in a relationship are red flags of a potential culprit.

The love bomber makes a new partner feel extra special, offers an abundance of gifts, does special things ‘just for you’ and gives lots of words of affirmation,” said Stockard.

“The person may also say that ‘they’ve never felt this way before,'” she noted. “Love bombing goes above and beyond what one expects when they’re just getting to know another person.”

If you feel like your partner is doing “too much too soon,” it’s important to pay attention to that feeling because it could indicate love bombing, Stockard said.

2. What if someone feels special, not ‘love bombed’?

Lovebombing can seem absolutely delightful at first, Stockard said.

In love bombing, a person is tricked into believing that the other person feels so strongly about them because of this special treatment, she also said.

However, once the love bomber believes they’ve “got you” and that you’re committed to them, the love and priorities shown at first disappear, Stockard said.

“It leaves the love-struck person wondering what they might have done wrong,” she added.

“In reality, the love bomber will continue this manipulation tactic, giving brief signs of approval as a way to gain more attention and control from a loving partner.”

3. Are early and intense conversations about a future together a sign of love bombing?

Having deep discussions about the future in the beginning can absolutely be part of love bombing, the relationship expert said.

“Discussions about the future help build the false sense of security that the love bomber wants to create,” Stockard said. “The person wants you to believe in a future together.”

4. How should a person react to a love bomber?

The best way to navigate love bombing is to admit it’s happening.

If you’re uncomfortable with the amount of attention you’re getting after just a short time of dating, or if a friend tells you that the person you’re dating is going “too fast,” you may be in the early stages of love bombing, said Stockard.

If you notice this happening, set boundaries and try to understand what’s going on.

“Furthermore, if you notice in your relationship that your partner has drastically changed the amount of love and attention they give you, you may begin to realize that you are being attacked by love and you can use this knowledge to lift it up. your partner,” Stockard said.

So just because love bombing feels good at first, “it’s not going to last, and it’s definitely something you have to be aware of,” she said.

5. How does love bombing differ from a love affair?

Love bombing is very different from the behaviors within a love relationship.

A person in a loving relationship will not try to control a partner or take away attention and love to get what they want, Stockard noted.

“In a loving relationship, there will be healthy communication skills and your partner will encourage you to grow with them and not just fall in line with what they want,” Stockard said.

“In a loving relationship, both partners feel secure in the relationship, love each other — and feel comfortable having a life outside of their partnership,” she said.