I didn’t include my stepfather in my wedding party – was I wrong to turn him down?

A bride-to-be was perfectly within her rights to extend “father of the bride” duties only to her biological father and not her stepfather, Reddit users assured the concerned woman.

“THE MOTHER who didn’t give the role of the father of the bride to my father and my stepfather?” Reddit user “Mindless_Diet_5123” wondered on an Aug. 19, 2024, post in Am I the A–hole (AITA) advice forum.

In the post, the writer said that she is a 27-year-old woman and the youngest of four siblings.

“My parents divorced when my siblings (32m, 30f, 29m) and I (27f) were young,” she wrote. “I was a newborn when they broke up, for context.”

While her father never married, the woman said her mother married her stepfather when the girl was just 5 years old.

Although her parents had equal custody, “we were closer to dad than to mom or stepdad,” the woman wrote — as her dad was “more of a nurturer and we had a closer relationship with him.”

“We still loved mom, but it wasn’t the same,” Mindless_Diet_5123 said, adding that “there were times when we felt a little jealousy and maybe even resentment about it” from her stepfather.

“As an adult, I can understand, especially if he loved us as his own, although I also think it should always be positive when children have good biological parents and a human is not needed to fulfill that role for a biological parent. missing”, she said.

“It’s less traumatic for children.”

But when Mindless_Diet_5123 was 10, her father was involved in an accident – and during his recovery, she and her siblings could not live with him.

“During that year, my stepfather really tried to fill the ‘single dad’ role,” she said.

“He and mum already had a child together at this point, but he focused more on me and my brothers. He was really good to us and I told him a few years ago that I appreciated that he didn’t resent us being there all the time.”

But “none of us saw him as a father after that,” she said – something that “furious” her stepfather.

As her siblings grew up and went to college, “my stepfather became a little more angry and a lot more resentful of Dad because Dad was their person to call. I also chose to live with Dad at that point “, she wrote.

In this context, Mindless_Diet_5123 said that she was the last of her siblings to get married and that her sister “had dad as the only father of the bride for her wedding” – and she intended to do the same.

“My stepfather was quiet about my sister’s marriage,” she said. “But he has spoken this time and told me that he did not understand why I did not ask both of them. He said he did as much as my father, and for a whole year he was the only father any of us had.”

Mindless_Diet_5123’s mother added that since her daughter was so young when her stepfather came into her life, “it didn’t make sense to see him as less of a father.”

“They told me that even if I asked now, there wouldn’t be the same real recognition and appreciation for my stepfather,” she said. “But my stepfather wanted me to know how thoughtless he thought my choice was.”

The woman then asked other users on the platform to weigh in on her decision.

On the AITA subreddit, people can reply to posts and indicate that the poster is “NTA” (“Not an A-hole”), “YTA” (“You’re an A-hole”), “NAH” (“Not an A-hole”). here”) or “ESH” (“Everybody breathes here”).

Users can “upvote” answers they think are helpful and “downvote” those that aren’t.

Mindless_Diet_5123’s post received over 100 comments, almost all of them in support of her decision to only ask her father to play a role in her wedding.

“NTA. I’m sick of reading about these entitled parents in blended families thinking that doing something for one minute entitles you to all the rights and privileges of being a real parent,” said user Reddit “NotCreativeAtAll16” on the answer with the highest vote.

NotCreativeAtAll16 added that the woman’s stepfather “may want to be treated like a father, but he came [when] you were five Others were even older. You lived with him and your mom for a year, and you never wavered then and felt like he was something more than your step-dad who married your mom. They should let this go.”

Another user identified himself as the stepfather and lined up with the Reddit writer.

“NTA. I’m a step-dad myself. It’s only been two years and my step-dads are pre-teens. I hope they see me as a supportive parental figure in their lives. All I want is for them to be happy and thrive. If they feel closer to their biological father than to me, I would totally understand and be happy for them,” said user “cascadia1979”.

The same user continued that the woman’s stepfather “should be happy for you on your wedding day. If he feels any frustration at not being asked to walk you down the aisle, he should either keep it to himself or share it only with your mother with instructions not to share it with you.”

The writer added: “Divorced parents should never force their children to choose between them. The same goes for stepchildren.”

A relationship expert told Fox News Digital that she agreed with Mindless_Diet_5123’s decision. She also agreed with the sentiment that the stepfather needed to be more mature.

“In this situation, the original poster is not in the wrong for not giving the role of father of the bride to her stepfather, because she should not be guilty of giving that place to her stepfather,” Nicole Moore, a California. relationship-based expert and certified life coach told Fox News Digital via email.

Moore continued, “However, since her stepfather played such a large role in her upbringing, I would recommend that she devise some sort of way to recognize him at the wedding.”

That said, the Reddit poster is under no obligation to do so, Moore said.

“One of the biggest things a good parent can do is put aside their own feelings for the good of the children, and in this case, the stepfather has to put aside his jealousy and anger,” she said.

The stepfather “feels entitled to the role of father of the bride, but that doesn’t mean he really is, and in this case, he’s projecting his pain onto his stepdaughter instead of letting the day be all about it, Moore said.

Fox News Digital reached out to Mindless_Diet_5123 for additional comment and updates.