Dear ABBY: I am part of a group of four girlfriends. We get together for all our birthdays and treat the birthday girl to dinner at a restaurant of her choice. However, one girl in the group orders some expensive cocktails and the bill turns out to be a fortune. She doesn’t seem to mind when it comes to the bill.
This friend’s birthday is coming soon and she has chosen a very expensive restaurant where the bill will be at least $900 for four people. I dread to think about it. How do we tell her nicely that she overdid it, or do we just say nothing? – VERY MUCH IN MIAMI, FLA.
VERY DEAR: What “we” tell the birthday girl is that her choice of this restaurant will cost more than any of you can easily afford, and please make another selection that fits your budget. Order a bottle of wine and skip the cocktails.
Dear ABBY: My husband and I have been married for two years, five together. He is a wonderful man who I love very much. I have always felt called to be a mother and he has expressed the same about being a father. He would be an amazing father and I would love nothing more than to raise children with him.
The conflict is that, over the past year or so, I’ve learned a lot more about pregnancy and childbirth and what it can do to a mother emotionally and physically. A number of my friends who have recently given birth have had serious complications.
Abby, after learning all this information, I am afraid of getting pregnant. So many things can go wrong, and I have a chronic illness that will likely be made worse by pregnancy. I also question the ethics of bringing a child into this world, knowing what a horrible place it is, and there are so many children who need a home already, but that is small compared to my fear of trouble. health.
My husband does not want to adopt our first child if we are unable to conceive or I am unable to carry the child, but he is open to adopting after we have tried for one of them. Adoption or surrogacy is not financially feasible for us anyway.
I don’t know how to tell him that I don’t want to carry a child – ever. We are a bit older so my biological clock is ticking. How can I overcome my terror to give us something we both deeply desire? – SENT IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR TRIMITTED: I discussed your letter with Beverly Hills OB/GYN Michele Milovina. The first words out of her mouth were, “This is a very common question,” if it makes you feel any better.
Dr. Milovina went on to say that if someone (like you) is afraid because of a pre-existing health condition, it’s time to schedule a preconception visit with your OB/GYN or a perinatologist. A perinatologist is a doctor who specializes in high-risk pregnancies. You can then get real percentages and numbers and make an informed decision.
If you’re still scared, a reproductive psychiatrist (yes, there is such a specialty) can help quell your fears. You can also include your husband in these visits because this is a decision that should be made together with him.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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