Dear Abby: My stepmom encourages my disabled elderly dad to drive even though he shouldn’t

Dear ABBY: I am struggling to continue my relationship with my dad who is in his 80’s. Recently he became very ill and almost died. He was unable to walk for several months, and when he finally did, it was with a wheelchair and a walker. Dad started driving his truck, although my brother and I strongly suggested that he wasn’t sure about it. He couldn’t even get into the truck without help.

A little background: Our mother was killed in a car accident when I was 14 and my brother was 18. She was hit by an elderly gentleman whose family agreed he shouldn’t be driving.

So here is the conflict: We have begged Dad not to drive and endanger everyone’s lives on the road, including his own. Our stepmom refuses to take the keys away and even encourages her to drive despite us repeatedly asking them to stop. He says there won’t be a crash and he’s sure.

This is very painful. He continues to be selfish and completely ignores the fact that our mother died because of someone like him. What should I do? I know dad doesn’t have much time left, but I’m trying to keep our relationship going. — MISSISSIPPI’S FAILED DAUGHTER

DEAR DAUGHTER: Your father’s desire for independence may be stronger than his reason. If he needs help getting into his truck, who is there to help him when it’s time to get out of the vehicle? And his doctor do you think it is safe for him to drive? Consider asking his doctor this question in writing.

You and your brother may also consider informing the police in your community that, because of his disability, you fear that your father may pose a danger on the road. Because he refuses to listen, that’s all you and your brother can do.

Dear ABBY: Recently, my best friend, “Stuart”, found a new partner of the same sex. I’m glad he found someone he has a deep connection with and I admire his confidence to come out. However, it has affected our friendship. When Stuart and I hang out, he brings his partner with him. Normally I wouldn’t mind having more people together, but Stuart and his partner are often intimate around me in public. I have expressed my concern and asked him to maintain some rules and boundaries in the relationship, but he continues to act inappropriately.

I don’t want to lose my friendship with him, but if he chooses his partner over me every time, I see no other choice. What should I do? – Unpleasant in PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: What do you mean by “intimate”? Are you describing hand holding? A hug? A quick peck on the cheek or lip? Or passionate hugs and expressions of love usually confined to the bedroom? If it’s the latter, express your concern again to Stuart, or see them alone in a less public setting.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.