Dear Abby: My husband’s personality changed for the worse when he stopped using drugs

Dear ABBY: Eight years ago, my husband of 26 years suffered a stroke and his personality changed. It was hard to deal with him, but, in time, his old self returned and things got better.

Two years ago, he finally kicked a long-term prescription drug habit. Our finances improved almost overnight (which I am thankful for), but his personality changed again. This change has been neither pleasant nor easy to cope with. Some days, he gets angry with me for talking to him about even the simplest things, like traffic or the weather.

Don’t get me wrong – I don’t want him to go back to drug abuse, but I do want my best friend back. I have been begging him to go to marriage counseling with me for at least a year. He says he will, but has made no effort to find a counselor. He grew up in the small town we live in, so I want him to choose the counselor because I might accidentally choose someone he knows and doesn’t want to talk to.

I’m afraid he will never make an appointment so should I just find a counselor for myself? I don’t want to throw away 26 years of marriage, but some days, all I can think about is running away. – SAD ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR BROKEN: I don’t know what could be the cause of your husband’s anger, and neither will you until you get to the bottom of it. Don’t let the fact that he’s stuck stop you from consulting a licensed marriage and family therapist.

Compile a list of counseling services not only in your city, but also in several neighboring communities. Once you have the names, show the list to your husband and ask if he knows any of them. Then make an appointment for both of you with one or more more therapists and interview them. If he refuses to accompany you, go alone.

Dear ABBY: Not long ago, my husband replaced the keyed entry lock on the front door of our house with a digital one. Since then, the door does not close when you enter or exit. (“It jumps” and won’t catch.) I’ve told him it needs to be fixed, but he insists he needs to “just pull it”. Abby, this door always got stuck before. Workers come and go from the house and I am very worried.

My husband is fighting me tooth and nail about this for some strange reason, and I’m ready to leave him. I told him I will fix the door (on his credit card) if he doesn’t. He still refuses. I’m done! I want a secure front door. What the hell is wrong here? We have been married for 40 years. Do you recommend a divorce attorney? – UNSAFE IN TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: I do not recommend a divorce attorney. You deserve to feel safe in your home. Stop fighting with your husband, get active and fix the damn door. Because he won’t help, remember the adage, “If you want something done right, do it yourself,” then step forward and take charge.

Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.